Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
