I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
