We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
