FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
