I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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