My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
