I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
