I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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