I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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