Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
