I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
