She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
