went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
