I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
