Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So many bounce houses so little time
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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