even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
