The maid of honor just puked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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