My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
