Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
