You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
