Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
