I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
