Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
