I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so let's talk penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
