Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
