you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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