Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
