She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
