Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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