your room smells of hookers.
And success
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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