People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
