whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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