He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
