I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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