Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
