Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
