did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
