Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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