And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
