I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
