You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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