This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
