The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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