what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
