The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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