Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we're making bets on your personal life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
