Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I intend to get homeless drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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