Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
