I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
