dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
