I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
